Start Using Your Degrees
by Matt
I graduated from college in May 2006, and I have been employed at Start Using Your Degrees Inc. ever since. I graduated with degrees in English and Communications, and finding somewhere to use them is proving to be more difficult then earning them. However, there’s a good chance that this could be due to my mediocre work output at SUYD Inc., but that’s something to be discussed during my next employee evaluation, which coincidentally, I’m having tomorrow…and the day after that…and everyday following.
Evaluations are simple; I get up, make breakfast, and then do whatever I see fit with the rest of the day. If none of my activities after breakfast is “go to work,” I receive a demerit for complete failure to meet company goals. Luckily, demerits have no real value. Nevertheless, I’m still being pressured from the people upstairs, and when you’re on the bottom rung like me, everyone is your superior.
My superiors range from my immediate family to basically anyone who knows that I went to and have graduated from college. The latter of the two groups is the one I feel more compelled to satisfy, and the reason for that is simple: Bias. My family would think I was the greatest if I lived in my basement and made ear wax statues for the rest of my life. Non-family types are much harder to impress.
For example, I see one of my old high school teachers; I say hello, and damn myself to the inevitable “what are you doing now” conversation. For people in my position, this is the worst conversation you can get into for the simple reason that, outside of a newly severed limb or something equally terrible, there’s really no way you can make “I’m not working” sound good. Plus, if their children are working, you know they’re thinking, “My kids are better than you.”
Here’s the kicker, and this really pushes the hairline back…I can’t get out of SUYD Inc. until I meet the standards of Get Some Experience Corp., and I can’t satisfy GSE Corp. without satisfying SUYD Inc. Once I had a meeting with them and jokingly said, “What are you guys owned by Catch 22 Int. or something” and kind of laughed, and they said, “Yeah.” Nobody laughed. After the meeting, I crawled under my desk and hugged my knees for the rest of the day.
Matt — Age 22 — Rochester, NY
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