She
by Sara — Age 86 — Cornwall, CT
My mother-in-law, a short, wiry bundle of energy with prematurely gray hair, was obsessed with cleanliness. When I sponge-wiped the kitchen table Sadie donned rubber gloves and followed after me, spraying the table with Fantastick and wiping it again with a cloth. I have to admit that when she was finished some of the blemishes I had thought were permanent had disappeared, but instead of being pleased I was angry and worked even harder to keep the table so clean she couldn’t find a spot to work on.
After a meal when I’d loaded the dishwasher and rinsed the sink Sadie took over, washing the faucets with a soapy sponge and drying them with paper towel. Then she scrubbed the sink with Comet and dried it “to get rid of the water spots.” Finally she ran a toothpick along the crevice where the metal base joined the formica countertop, forcing out a thin ribbon of dirt to be wiped up with paper towel. I bought paper towels by the dozen when Sadie was with us.
When my mother-in-law first came to visit I thought she was knocking herself out to show her son what a poor housekeeper he had married. It was the bread crumbs that finally gave me the proper perspective. Every morning after breakfast Sadie would unplug the toaster and shake out the crumbs, then remove the bread from the breadbox and shake out that box too. One day as I watched her perform this ritual I got to thinking…bread crumbs are really quite clean…crumbs on the table or floor are different but I don’t have to feel guilty about leaving a few crumbs in the breadbox. My mother-in-law’s obsession with cleanliness is beyond her control, I decided; she can’t help herself and it has nothing to do with me.
It must be awful, I thought, to be saddled with a compulsion that causes you to expend so much time and energy unnecessarily. On the other hand, if she feels depressed she has only to clean something — an ashtray, silver spoon, or sink — to feel pleased with herself again.
After that, when Sadie came I had my house ready for her — water spots in the sink, a jelly spill on the table, and a breadbox full of crumbs. I knew her eyes would light up when she saw them and she would enjoy her visit.
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