Woman
by Hannah — Age 30 — San Francisco, CA
Everyone head-butts a brick wall with their job, after about six months. Particularly when one has spent the past three years earning a master’s degree in something that has absolutely nothing to do with one’s current employment.
Thankfully, before some of us overdose from the combination of heavy drinking and the popping of leftover hydrocodone, fate rescues our livers through of a series of gradual changes in the office environment. It may be nothing to dance around about, but nonetheless it’s change we crave during these periods and change itself can sometimes be a blessing.
After the “new hire” afterglow wore off and I no longer worried about screwing up and looking like a jerk, (though the effects of my apathy did surprise me at times), the permanence of the position began to scare me. I sensed that my butt was reinventing itself in order to accommodate the surface of the chair; I began seeing better with my glasses On; I became aggressive on the street and in the subway; I began looking forward to Home so that I could sit on the couch and do absolutely nothing. The energy, the drive, the creative everything switched to the “off” position and I began to live solely for the weekend.
Then I hit a stretch that roused me from my comfort zone and actually inspired me to loathe my job. My colleague was bumped into a management position over me. What initially seemed a transition in my favor quickly became a Micromanagerial Nightmare. After months of miscommunication, an imposed time-management course, and a heated break-up/make-up conversation with manager/ex-friend, I realized I cared enough about not leaving the company to find a way around the problem without having to graze my lips against anyone’s arse. The solution was simple: speak little and don’t take anything personally. It’s clear to me now the only way to justify my over-education-and-mediocre-pay quandary is to work with the system. The thought of becoming one of those aged and humorless women so frightens me, that I decided conquering the company is my best attack against boredom, flat-assedness and lack of inspiration. I am reevaluating this as an invaluable lesson in corporate reality, and hopefully a means by which to move to a better position where I can kick back, close my office door, and write something over 400 words that’s worth reading.
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