Low-Stress
by Matt — Age 45 — Los Angeles, CA
I have one of those jobs that you have no idea how to describe to people. “What do you do?” People ask me. “I don’t know” I often respond. I sit in a cubicle in front of a computer most days. I don’t sell anything or make anything or save lives. I know that Friday is casual day, but we can’t wear jeans on casual day. Our boss recently had a staff meeting at a Greek restaurant. Twenty of us in a loud restaurant. Half the staff couldn’t even hear him. But that doesn’t really matter; we all know what he’ll say. He has these meetings every couple of months. His list of “house cleaning” items includes: When we leave our desk, check out on the board, even if going to the bathroom. Don’t be late, the work day starts at 7:30. And most important, don’t abuse the casual Friday dress code. For the dress code, he really ought to address a couple of specific individuals. Instead we all get the lecture in which he likes to tell us not to wear pajamas to work, as an example of a violation of the dress code. What the fuck? I can affirm that my job is a fairly low stress job. In fact I am writing this while at work. I’ve been here for about five years. I like it the best of all jobs I’ve had since graduating college. I recently heard about a friend who isn’t thrilled with his job, so every so often he’ll masturbate in the men’s room of his office. He uses it as an afternoon pick up instead of coffee, and as a way of “sticking it to the man.” I interview occasionally for new jobs. Ideally I would love to get a job like I already have, but located in Las Vegas. I recently interviewed for a position at a big corporate firm. I was fired up for the job and ready to make the leap into the grown up world of working. High stress and long hours. But when they offered me a salary that essentially equals what I make now, I had to turn them down. I was tempted to take it though, simply to have a job that I could more easily explain to people and not feel like a slug.
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