Funeral
by Kimalisa—Age 35—New York, NY
When I was in college, I worked in a funeral home. I was a night clerk, answering phones and opening and closing the chapel for wakes. Unlike how it’s usually portrayed, working in a funeral home is a pretty uneventful job. In four years, I never minded working there, except for this one night, when I still wish I’d worked anyplace else.
My eight-year-old brother died of AIDS while I was in my sophomore year. We knew his death was coming but there’s knowing it and there’s living it. My father chose to have him buried through the funeral home where I worked. I made the arrangements and my brother’s interment was scheduled for the following day. My dad didn’t want a viewing, just a burial, because he didn’t want to see my brother dead.
My father, who’d been raising my brother alone, had one simple request. He asked me, since I had special access to the funeral home, could I slip in after hours and wrap a blanket around my brother’s body. He said he didn’t want his son to be cold when he was in the ground.
“That won’t be a problem,” I said, thinking I’d do anything for my grieving father. I’d just use my set of funeral home keys, go in late that night, and grant his wish. But there was a problem; I didn’t want to see my brother’s corpse either.
I had no idea what I’d see upon opening his casket. Would he be in a black body bag, like the dead always were in the movies and on TV? Would he be wrapped in plastic or boxed or packaged in some way, handled more like meat than a little boy? I did know that whatever I found inside would be the final image I would carry of my brother and it was sure to be unnerving enough to even alter my memories of him alive. I struggled all night but in the end I stayed home. I didn’t fulfill the request.
The next morning, when the limo arrived to take me to the cemetery, my father was already inside. The first thing he asked was whether it was done, was his son wrapped in a blanket. I settled into the car and spoke gently. “Yes,” I said, “he’s safe and he’s warm.”
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