A Hit Parade of Some of My Jobs, Resume-Style
by Kiera—Age 27—New York, NY
Café Verdi (one day in 1996)
Somerville, MA
Trained as a barista at this small coffee shop where owner, in addition to managing the café, also decorated the walls with her own artwork—floor-to-ceiling paintings of melancholy circus performers. Cirque Du Soleil soundtrack played on loop.
Emack & Bolio’s Ice Cream (June-August 1998)
Cambridge, MA
Scooped ice cream and fended off health inspectors. Found out halfway through summer, by way of a sign in the basement that said “Ralph, please do not taste our flavors,” that a homeless man—Ralph—was living in basement. At the end of the summer, owner moved away and a cell phone store took over. Ralph moved out.
Video Depot (June-August 1998)
Somerville, MA
Checked out, returned, and rewound in this hovel-like video store with a specialty in ethnic porn. Has since been converted into a yoga studio.
Cobbler Bakery & Café (August 1998-May 1999)
Poughkeepsie, NY
Boss came in twice during nine-month period at this coffee shop in the shadow of Vassar College. Free omelets for all my friends.
The Secret Garden (June 1999-June 2002)
Cambridge, MA
Sold miniature outfits and wandered around aimlessly in this high-end children’s clothing boutique. Boss on several occasions informed me that, “Someone has left poop in the store.”
Bart’s Ice Cream (one day in July 2000)
Cambridge, MA
Made margaritas in blender and freaked out after smoking bad pot in basement. Lied and said I had mono and never returned.
Professor’s House (September 2000-January 2002)
Cambridge, MA
Drove kids around, prepared their snacks, and grazed from wealthy employer’s cornucopia-like fridge.
Berlitz Language Center (August 2002-July 2004)
Portland, OR
Took infrequent bus with no one else on it to teach English as a Second Language at the end of the line, where it was always raining.
Babysitting (September 2002-March 2003)
Portland, OR
After telling four-year-old boy I couldn’t buy him a toy, was asked repeatedly, “Are you poor?”
Fleure Bakery (January-March 2003)
Portland, OR
Developed allergy to dish soap that resulted in hideous rash that covered both arms.
Vespa Call Center (May-August 2003)
Portland, Oregon
Asked callers if they would like to renew their pre-paid calling card—in English and Spanish! Learned to predict first two digits of callers’ zip codes, based on regional accents. Began answering all phones—home phone included—“Thank you for calling AT&T” (sometimes, “Gracias por llamar AT&T”).
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