Erase
by Chuck—Age 32—Hollywood, CA
Age 5, my father sits me on his lap in his Oldsmobile and lets me drive us into a snow bank and then yells at me. I later have nightmares about being in cars until I have my own license. Later, my mother teaches me how to drive in a cemetery.
Age 10, mother puts me in ballet class after quitting violin lessons from a nun who hit my hands for playing the wrong notes. My mother plays Beatles songs on her guitar until I’m around 13 when she marries a guy who is less of a man than I am. My biological father calls me once a month telling me he is coming to pick me up to spend some time together. I wait on the porch a few hours until my mother tells me to give up. Age 16, I drink myself into oblivion with a bottle of Puerto Rican rum while eating a jar of jalapeños that I later puke up, waking with my friend who’s eating my vomit. I then lose my virginity to a girl who does not know she is my first. By age 19 I have tried LSD and snorted heroin once with a second cousin. Age 19, I get a job driving a limo for a hotel. Carol Channing answers the door half-dressed as I am delivering flowers.
Age 20, I pretend for a year to be a rock star with a bunch of losers who can not even tune their instruments. Twenty-one, I move to Illinois seeking a degree in photography and to be closer to my mother.
Age 22, I am accepted into The Art Institute of Chicago for video and photography on scholarship. I spend the next six years living out of my locker, not being able to afford a dorm room, writing music, wishing I was in a real band. Self-produce three albums and three music videos. I then finally finish school, and am walking across the stage to receive my BFA. A month later I find out that my school advisor miscounted my 150 credits and I don’t really graduate. I am out of money and can’t get another loan.
Age 31, I’m awake, not being able to sleep. Sell everything but my guitar. Buy a bus ticket to LA. I’m playing my original music, live, in Hollywood and work as a film consultant.
I am still single.
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