Patton, 28, Texas
by Patton Quinn—Age 28—Austin, TX
Age 0:
29 January, 1980.
5:
Find dead body at Cedar Creek Lake, Texas.
Teach myself to do headstand.
7-9:
Win 13 trophies in every handstand contest at gymnastics. (Mom eventually chucks trophies.)
9:
Dad shaves beard, I faint.
12:
Form “Dumb Penis Gang” (DPG) with best lady friends:
Cassandra
Lynn
Anne
Courtney
13:
Quit gymnastics, start diving.
14:
Discover bands Sebedoh, Dinosaur Jr.
Fall in love with Lou Barlow.
Take acid.
15:
Cassandra inherits orange VW van.
Spend many hours in it smoking weed, driving around Dallas.
15:
Move to Austin.
Love being away from Dallas.
End up missing Dallas rest of life.
16:
Learn inward 2 ½ from 3-meter diving board.
Read Camus, Nietzsche.
17:
Have poor judgment, quit diving.
Listen to much Grateful Dead”–actually think this is cool.
18:
Graduate from Catholic high school.
Take peyote; run away with “Jesus.” (Disillusioned hippie-boy who hitchhikes everywhere.)
19:
Hitchhike from Redwoods to Florida.
Anne dies in car accident.
Move back to Texas.
20:
Discover Coltrane, ginger beer.
Start to play drums.
20-21:
Take up improvisational comedy.
Move to L.A.
Discover Black Sabbath, Basquiat (20 years too late).
Finally start to hate hippies.
22:
Begin heavy use of cocaine while also taking yoga classes. (Irony.)
Meditate outside a lot, cut self frequently. (Not ready for nothingness.)
Quack doctor prescribes odd drugs for manic depression, including 2 anti-psychotics.
Attempt suicide.
Move back to Texas.
23:
Meet Dale.
24:
Dad has emergency brain surgery, lives, memory affected forever.
25:
Start dating Dale.
Discover French food, Foucault, Jolie Holland.
Meet Kim.
26:
Graduate college with degree in writing.
Kim/I get tattoos together; she becomes favorite lady friend.
Travel to Thailand and Cambodia with Dale.
Discover hoppy beer.
27:
Grandma dies.
Dale and I move in.
Inherit chickens.
Listen to a lot of old country music.
Eat much meat.
Discover bone marrow.
28 (Now):
Illustrate using pen, ink, crayon.
Teach yoga.
Play tambourine in garage rock band.
Write everything in form of lists.
Abstain from correct punctuation, pronouns.
Rediscover folk rock, love for eagles.
Discover dead chickens in backyard—freak dog attack.
(Will) write masterpiece with Kim.
29 (Future):
Will buy 2 new chickens and name:
Cheech
Chong
Will buy 1 rooster and name:
Rocky
Will buy ’86 Chevy Silverado.
Will discover something else.
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